| WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN |
| Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. |
| Dogs miss you when you're gone. |
| Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. |
| Dogs don't criticize your friends. |
| Dogs admit when they're jealous. |
| Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. |
| Dogs do not play games with you, except Frisbee (and they never laugh at how you throw). |
| Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. |
| You can train a dog. |
| Dogs are easy to buy for. |
| You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. |
| The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. |
| (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) |
| Dogs understand what "no" means. |
| Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. |
| Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. |
| Dogs admit it when they're lost. |
| Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. |
| Dogs mean it when they kiss you. |
| HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE ALIKE |
| Both take up too much space on the bed. |
| Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. |
| Both are threatened by their own kind. |
| Both mark their territory. |
| Both are bad at asking you questions. |
| Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches. |
| Neither does any dishes. |
| Both pass gas shamelessly. |
| Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. |
| Both like dominance games. |
| Both are suspicious of the postman. |
| Neither knows how to talk on the telephone. |
| Neither understands what you see in cats. |
| HOW MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS |
| Men only have two feet that track in mud. |
| Men can buy you presents. |
| Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block. |
| Men are a little bit more subtile. |
| Dogs have dog breath all the time. |
| Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it. |
| And the number one reason dogs fall short... |
| It's fun to dry off a wet man!! (If you're a woman that is!) |